Advent Retreat Reflections
When I was asked to share about my experience at the Advent Retreat, my email response was a knee-jerk, “No way – can’t do it – way too behind on the cultural aspects of Christmas BECAUSE I went on that Advent Retreat.” (note the word, “cultural,” as if I’m centered spiritually in the midst of my own chaos). I helpfully offered a few names of others on that weekend who looked like they were having a God-moment; maybe they would write about it. The reality was I had been distracted for the first half of the retreat by thinking about the breakout session I was to lead. The second half was to be spent in silence and contemplation. I, along with a few others, were to be found dozing off and on in the cozy Fireside Lounge, while thinking deeply about waiting for Jesus’ second coming. Clearly, I was an Advent Retreat washout.
After shooting off that email, I ran out the door, already cutting it close, to run errands and pick up my kids after school. Five minutes into the trip, I started yelling (in the privacy of my car) at a road-boulder driver who made me miss a 2-minute stoplight. I thought to myself, “See? I’m a mess. I can’t, with any integrity, write about the spiritual value of being on an Advent Retreat.” Then I apologized to God for my snarky attitude and asked him to bless that slowpoke. Later, as I wound up stuck in traffic by a derailed train, I had 25 minutes to think about how far I’d come in less than a week from my proclamation, “Things will be different this year because I’m prepped by my Advent Retreat.” I honestly had expected to spiritually sail through this season (as if grace is given to us in 3-week chunks rather than daily). The day following the retreat, I’d made a handshake agreement with my kids that I wouldn’t be all stressed out this year. After the handshake, one of my lovely living mirrors (8-years-old) did a dead-on impersonation of me stressing out. While laughing, I vowed to myself she wouldn’t get any new material this season. And here I was, 5 days later, as derailed as the train.
It was during that traffic jam when I realized it is solely because I went on the Advent Retreat that I can’t do all my usual stressing without immediately recognizing it. It’s like I have an advent meter in my heart. My head still gets filled and distracted by the trappings of Christmas but my heart keeps reminding me of its substance. So because of the Advent Retreat, this year is different. In spite of my distraction and dozing, Christ did indeed meet me there and is apparently working hard at helping me celebrate his coming in a way that honors him. So was the time the retreat cost me worth it as I sweat getting Christmas cards out the door? You bet! See you in Fireside Lounge next year?
- K.C. Yatsko
Waiting – the joys and sorrows of this discipline. It is not something we want or would ask for, but we all experience. Attending this retreat was like a quiet warm blanket that shared my thoughts and helped me to be at peace with where I am. It was a wonderful time to reflect on the pain within my heart. I have learned that while I wait, God is working His mystery, His miracles, and His glory in my life. Just like Christ’s birth, we need to wait for God’s perfect timing and ways. Our hearts desires may look different than what God has planned, but with faith and trust, we will see His glory revealed.
During this retreat, the people that shared my life, the worship, prayer, scripture study, spiritual direction, and quiet time were all used to bless me. Knowing that others share a similar journey, a journey that Christ also shared, makes the waiting more bearable and full of hope. I will always be waiting for something in my life, both big and little things; I am glad that I now have a better picture of how to experience this gift.
- Karen Smyrl