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Carving

Posted by Benji Tittle on

 

Copyright: Benji Tittle, K1 Photography

 

I began my 20s in a church with “cult-like” aspects, such as extensive pastoral control over members’ lives and relationships. There were events almost every night, insulating us from the outside world.

Performance orientation defined my spirituality: Was I hearing God? Did I understand scripture? Was I spending my devotional times wisely? Was I addressing my own sin aggressively enough?

Leaving that church in 2000 to attend The River did not “cure” my performance orientation. I became less anxious about my spirituality, but couldn’t shake the feeling that my spiritual line graph had peaked, and that I’d never re-attain that “level of Christianity”.

Thankfully, I’ve slowly learned that following Christ doesn’t fit on any line graph. I now better understand something my late father told me, “One of the biggest factors in a Christian becoming more mature is the sheer number of times they’ve fallen on their face at the cross, begging for forgiveness.”

The Grand Canyon models that truth to me. By God’s grace, my decades of failure, confession, anger, grief, and despair—brought to the cross—have left cracks he has flowed through. He’s gradually carving me into someone who, in the Light, can better reflect his beauty.

 

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Benji has been at The River since 2000, and on the River Worship Team since 2001. Husband to Danielle and daddy to Katy and Sammy, Benji enjoys photography as a hobby, and also does paid & volunteer portrait and event shoots, including for various River events.

 

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