I am overwhelmed. This blog post is one week late. I haven’t been able to find the time, discipline, and motivation to sit down and get it done. There is always something else to distract me and keep me occupied—some very real and important distractions, some not so much.
Copyright: sifotography / 123RF Stock Photo
We just finished moving next door into a rental house in order to tear down and rebuild the home we own. My three children just started school at two different schools with two different schedules. We went from one kid playing soccer to three kids playing. My mother, who lives two thousand miles away, severely broke her leg and is requiring a lot of care—little of which I can give from here. I got called in for jury duty. And the list goes on…
As a result, I feel guilty—guilty that I can’t do enough or be enough. On top of that, I then feel guilty that my problems are all first-world problems.
I get stuck in this vicious cycle of feeling overwhelmed, and then guilty, and then overwhelmed again. It makes me want to sleep; it makes me want to eat; it makes me want to read People magazine.
I never want to do what is best for me. I never want to sit down and rest at the feet of Jesus. I don’t want to wait to hear from the Spirit. Listening is hard. Changing is hard.
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” Isaiah 43:1-3 (NIV)
And then little things happen to remind me of God’s goodness. The judge excuses me from jury duty because she understands it’s too hard to find temporary childcare during the day. My mother’s insurance covers her medical costs. The cashier who shared with me about his separation from his wife tells me he is trying to really listen to what his wife needs. Someone holds the door for me. My children still tell me they love me even when I’ve been horrible to them. A friend encourages me. Someone prays for me.
When I finally sit down to gather my thoughts and face my problems, I remember to be thankful for what God has already provided. I am reminded that I am not in charge; he is. I am reminded of how good it feels to be loved by an all-powerful God, who knows the number of hairs on my head and exactly what I need.
In response, I will once again soften my heart, listen for truth, and choose to trust that God is changing me in His timing.
“I do believe, help my unbelief.” Mark 9:24 (NASB)
Growing up, Molly Meyer wanted to be a professional cheerleader. When she realized she had no natural talent for it, she decided to be an engineer instead. Currently she calls herself a stay-at-home mom for her three children. She finds this phase of life joyful, humbling, and challenging. She hopes that God is doing a transforming work in her and preparing her to make an impact in the lives of her children and the world around her.